iRetire4Him Show 142: A Woman's Work is Never Done!

Jim Brangenberg: Your retirement years could be 30 years of purpose-driven, fully funded ministry, yeaars of making impact in ways and places you never imagined.

Martha Brangenberg: Welcome to iRetire4Him. We are your hosts, Jim and Martha Brangenberg.

Jim Brangenberg: When a woman retires, does her life really change? Doesn't she keep doing all the things she was doing before? Is the perspective of a retiring woman the same as that of a retiring man? I'm a man. How would I know? Over the next three shows, we're gonna interview a newly retired couple. This week we sit down with Donna Smith from North Carolina.

She's gonna share her female perspective on retirement. Then the next episode, Donna's husband Rodney's gonna share his perspective on retirement. Then in the final episode, both Rodney and Donna will be back to share their perspective as a retired couple. What will we learn from Donna and Rodney and how will it help all of us as we approach or live out our years in retirement?

Hold on! I think this is gonna be fascinating. Donna Smith, welcome to iRetire4Him.

Donna Smith: Thank you so much.

Jim Brangenberg: All right. So Donna, where did Jesus first intersect with your life? Tell us a little bit of your Jesus story.

Donna Smith: Okay, so I grew up here in Asheboro, North Carolina, which is a fairly small town. And I was just always in church, grew up going to church with my family. And it was Southern Baptist, of course. And anyway, so when I was 16 and I got my license, I decided I couldn't get up on Sunday morning and go to church anymore because I stayed out a little later on Saturday night.

So I was actually out of church for several years, and I was outta church until actually I met Rodney, who was a neighbor. He lived catty-cornered across from my parents, and in the meantime, I had bought the house beside my parents. And so we lived across the road from each other.

Rodney's a little bit younger than I am. And he came home from work one day and I was out mowing the yard and he just came over and started talking or whatever, and asked if I'd like to go bowling. And we went to eat barbecue and went bowling. And we've been eating barbecue and bowling ever since. So it's been 34 years now.

Jim Brangenberg: Awesome.

Martha Brangenberg: Awesome. So as a part of meeting Rodney then, is that what kind of got you back into going to church and solidifying your faith?

Donna Smith: Yes, absolutely. He grew up going to church. And he'll tell you his story, but he never got out of church. And so that was, I'm assuming part of his, if you would call it requirement, of somebody that he was gonna date and be with, and actually through him, and then myself going with him, my parents who had got out of going to church began going back to church also. So yeah, I contribute a lot of my faith to to my husband.

Martha Brangenberg: So it's bowling, barbecue, and Bible right there. (laughter) You add that one in.

Okay. So what do you believe the calling is on your life?

Donna Smith: My parents are now 88 and 89. They still live at their home that we grew up in. And of course, they're not as spry, they don't drive and they don't get out a whole lot other than doctor appointments and things like that. So pretty much I retired at the perfect time. And COVID, I went to work in shorter hours, and then I went to working the shorter hours from home. And then at that point they said they were letting all of us people that had went to all the shorter hours pretty much go. So anyway, they retired me really. But it was just the perfect time.

Jim Brangenberg: So that's your job history. But the call on your life, God placed a unique set of gifts, talents, and abilities inside Donna Smith. What - a place to plug those in. So when you look at your perspective of your life, where has God plugged you in most often?

Donna Smith: Okay. All right. I'm a very detail oriented type person. My job was administrative. So, even like right now, I do some administrative work for our church. And we have a church that we just absolutely love. I spend a lot of time right now with my parents. Yeah, the caregiver has come out.

Martha Brangenberg: But the details to make that happen and keep it all straight is probably using your gifting as well 'cause I know that it's a lot to juggle and manage.

Donna Smith: Yes. It's really taking two households. And pretty much taking care of two households, running both of them, which I'm not complaining. Very blessed. Very blessed.

Jim Brangenberg: And we're all in the same place. We've got my parents living right next door to us. It's, it is a lot. And my parents are 91 and 92.

Martha Brangenberg: So I'm curious. I'm the detail person on this. So do you live in, when you guys got married then, are you still in the neighborhood where your parents are in your house or Rodney's house, or did you buy a different one?

Donna Smith: We stayed there I think two, maybe three years, which was right beside my parents. And then we ended up, we moved a couple of times and then ended up here. We've been here in this house since 99, so 26 years. We're like seven minutes from my parents.

Jim Brangenberg: So I'm just curious 'cause I know that you're a little older than Rodney, so when Rodney was a neighbor kid and you're living next door or kitty corner, had Rodney been a neighbor kid for a long time?

Donna Smith: You know what? All I knew was there was a family down there, Jay and Doris, that had four boys and growing up or whenever he was much younger... (laughter) anyway, I'm not gonna tell you what he said.

Martha Brangenberg: She didn't pay attention to him back then. You didn't pay attention.

Jim Brangenberg: I just say, when you turn 20 and he turned (coughs number) , I just figured someday when that boy grows up, I'm gonna... okay. Okay. (laughter)

Martha Brangenberg: So in your job, you said they retired you, but had you at all been thinking about retirement and preparing yourself for what that might look like?

Donna Smith: Not really. I don't think I had. We had been preparing financially through our jobs or whatever, but I don't think really I had thought that much about full-time retirement.

Jim Brangenberg: And we find that's very true, that a lot of people know what they're retiring from and they have done some financial planning to the best of their abilities, but most people have no idea what they're retiring to.

And that's why Martha and I love talking to retirees and not to talk about retirement planning, but to plan on what you're gonna do in your retirement. We'd love the opportunity to come speak to any of our listeners out there, any of your retiree groups, we'd love to come. Pay for our travel, give us a place to stay, give us some food, and let us speak to your retiree group. Give us a weekend, give us a Saturday, and we'd love to talk to you about finding purpose in your retirement.

In fact Donna and Rodney took iRetire4Him to their small group, and we're gonna hear about that in a second.

Donna Smith: No, that was just Donna. That was just retired ladies.

Jim Brangenberg: Oh, that's right. And they're all recovering from their husbands are getting ready to retire, and they're like, what am I gonna do? (laughter) But if you're interested in having Martha and I come speak to your group, just email me, Jim@iwork4him.com.

Let's talk about that, Donna. Let's take it a little sideways on that. You brought iRetire4Him to your ladies group. How did that go? What was that like?

Donna Smith: I wanna tell you what, it was a wonderful study. And I did not teach it. I'm not a teacher. So I got the idea because I had the book or whatever, and then I found somebody that I knew would be a good leader of the life group, and so we put it out there and I think we ended up with about 16 ladies in the group. And we met every Wednesday morning at a coffee shop here in town Brewski's.

Jim Brangenberg: Sure. Coffee. Brewski's... coffee. Yeah. (laughing)

Donna Smith: Yeah. It was coffee. (laughing) And anyway, but it was a wonderful study. It sure was.

Martha Brangenberg: So of course, what I'm hearing, first of all is that, again, God was using your calling because you're detail oriented. You organized it, you got the books, you helped put it together and found somebody that could lead it. What do you think were some of the biggest takeaways for the people in your class?

Donna Smith: I've got the two quotes that I know are in my mind at all times, and I don't know if I say that because it is in the book and you want people to read the book.

Martha Brangenberg: Go ahead. That's okay. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Donna Smith: Okay so the first one, because I tell people these quotes all the time, if it's an appropriate time. " If you have a pulse, you have a purpose." And I even use this with my parents, and "if you're not dead, you're not done."

Jim Brangenberg: Amen.

Donna Smith: I really just said this to somebody like two days ago. It makes so much sense that if we're breathing and we're up, we need to be doing something and not just sitting.

Jim Brangenberg: So how long have you been retired actually?

Donna Smith: Okay. Since December, I think December of 23, full retirement.

Jim Brangenberg: Okay. So just a couple of years. All right. So you've been caregiving a lot in your retirement years. And you led this, you helped, you organized the iRetire4Him Group at your church. How else has God been using you during your retirement years so far?

Donna Smith: Other than the caregiving, I have had opportunity to do some volunteering here in the community. We have a soup kitchen and you can go there and help cook food, help serve food, whatnot. I do that mainly through our church. We do that once a month. I really haven't volunteered as much as I thought I would have. Because I really stay busy.

Jim Brangenberg: Oh yeah. Mom and dad keep you busy. Absolutely.

Donna Smith: Yeah. And I'll talk to my kids every day, and I'm like, I've been busy today, or I'm busy and I'm like, great day, I'm busier now. You always hear people say they're busier in retirement than they were, and it's the truth.

Martha Brangenberg: Yeah. How did you ever have time to work?

So a couple of things that I just wanna like point out in what you just said, is that maybe you haven't added a ton of volunteering to your time, but you intentionally are having conversations. Because if you just said to somebody the other day, if you have a pulse, you have a purpose, and if you're not dead, you're not done.

Jim Brangenberg: Let's give it the third line. And "when you retired, your calling didn't retire."

Martha Brangenberg: Yes. If you are having those kind of conversations, it doesn't take volunteering in order to have those conversations. That's part of your normal day. And I love that. And I wanna point that out to the listeners because it doesn't mean the only place to have that conversation is when you're serving soup at a soup kitchen or when you are caregiving for your parents, although those are great times to have intentional conversations.

You could be having a conversation with somebody at the grocery store or checking out at wherever you are. And so I think that's something really important because I think a lot of people think it's gotta be a program. It's gotta be, I'm at this place doing this thing. But what I see in you, Donna, is that it's really been a shift in the way you think and therefore it comes out in probably many conversations you have with people throughout the day and throughout the week. So what have, what has surprised you about retirement so far, other than being so busy?

Donna Smith: What has surprised me? There again, I'm surprised that I'm not doing the volunteer work like I thought I would. And you just never get everything done. (laughter) Like I say, I never really thought that much about retirement.

Martha Brangenberg: Yeah. But I think, don't you think that we have this kind of like when we're little girls and we dream about our wedding, we don't really necessarily have a sketchbook and everything, but we think about it. Same with retirement. I know in my mind, I think about things like, I'm gonna get all my scrapbooks done and I'm gonna organize my material, and I'm gonna catch up on all these...

Jim Brangenberg: I'm gonna finish those baby books. (laughter)

Martha Brangenberg: Those baby books that I've never finished, yeah. And so we have these things that we think maybe that's what we're gonna do in our retirement. God has a different plan and we can have different priorities at different points in time.

I just wanna make a mention here that having resources to change your perspective on retirement can be so very valuable. And Donna referred to that iRetire4Him book, is one of those valuable resources. We also have this podcast and we also have an email where this podcast gets emailed out when it releases, that has more resources for you as a retiree. So you can order your copy of the book today at iwork4him.com/bookstore.

Jim Brangenberg: I figured it out, Donna, you had Rodney the neighbor boy mowing your lawn, and look at the legs on that kid. When he grows up. I'm gonna marry him. I just, it's the neighbor, but that's how Rodney... (laughter)

Donna Smith: You've got that backwards! I was mowing the yard.

Martha Brangenberg: Oh. And he noticed her.

Donna Smith: Yes.

Martha Brangenberg: Jim's gonna make up his own stories. (laughing)

Jim Brangenberg: I am. We could do a soap opera about this one. I love this.

All right so you've had some time to think about this 'cause I prepped you on this question. How do you feel retirement's different for a woman than for a man?

Donna Smith: You've heard the saying a woman's work is never done? A woman's work is never done, and so I think women stayed busier and with us, because I had retired a couple of years before he did, when he retired, I have a schedule that I go by and he wasn't in that schedule.

 (laughter)

Jim Brangenberg: And just for our listeners, there's an incredible book about this scenario, for a woman who retires before her husband and then all of a sudden a husband retires: Spouse in the House is a phenomenal book. We actually covered that author on an episode.

Martha Brangenberg: We should, we'll put that link in the show notes for this show because it's actually a pretty funny book, and with Cynthia Ruchti is the author and you know exactly that, you have your routine and then the spouse is around more than you were expecting.

Jim Brangenberg: That's my space. Could you gimme my space?

Martha Brangenberg: I just wanna say for people that are watching the video, Rodney is over there, so Donna, she's, I'm going to answer this carefully.

Jim Brangenberg: No, I told him to leave the room so you could talk about him.

Martha Brangenberg: Oh, but you're right.

Jim Brangenberg: How do you know she's right? You're not retired yet! (laughing)

Martha Brangenberg: No, but I am a woman, so I can speak to this probably more. There are times, so Jim, quality time is one of his love languages, so he doesn't ever need to be alone. And there are times when I just wanna be in my house by myself, even if I'm mopping the floor and cleaning the bathroom.

Jim Brangenberg: But we live in a 700 square foot house now. So there's nowhere to go to get away. (laughter)

Martha Brangenberg: It's can you go mow the lawn again or something? (laughter)

Donna Smith: And another thing I like to have like worship music playing. Rodney's okay with it if it's on like volume one where we can't hear it. (laughter)

Martha Brangenberg: And you want a dance party, right?

Donna Smith: I want it on volume six.

Jim Brangenberg: But the issue is when us guys get older, we can't hear as well, especially our spouse's voice. And so the music is up, then we can't hear you and we wanna be able to hear you and respect you and love you and be able to talk with you. So the music has to be down or off.

Donna Smith: Rodney never said that.

 (laughing)

Jim Brangenberg: I was helping him out. I'm helping him out.

Martha Brangenberg: Trying to help. Okay. So let's talk about this. Looking ahead, because you probably have a lot of years left on this beautiful earth - we never know, right? We never know what our numbers are but likely you have a lot of time left on this earth. What are some of the things that you're looking forward to most in the freedom of getting to choose how you spend these retirement years?

Donna Smith: I think... we like to travel. And. It is limited. We travel quite a bit still, but we're not gone for weeks at a time because of our parents and whatnot. I don't know. That's a hard question.

Jim Brangenberg: It is 'cause you don't know when it's gonna be.

Donna Smith: Because I don't want to make it sound like my parents are a burden.

Martha Brangenberg: Nope. But I think there are a lot of listeners, early retirees or people that are at the end of their working time before they retire, like ourselves, that find ourselves in that situation. Because we have a lot of parents that are living a lot longer than ever before.

Jim Brangenberg: That's right. Our parents didn't have to take care of their parents, but we're getting the opportunity to walk alongside them in their final years of life. That's different for our generation than for their generation.

Donna Smith: That's right. I haven't thought about that. That's right.

Martha Brangenberg: It is such a blessing to be able to have the freedom even to do that, to be able to be the person - if it works, it's not for everyone. It's not everybody's scenario.

Jim Brangenberg: I told my dad yesterday that he drives me crazy at times. (laughter)

Martha Brangenberg: You have that kind of relationship. So, you know, it is a place where for a season that's what we'll be in. And, Jim, i'm going to also put in the show notes, there is a ministry that I've interviewed before called the Season of Caring and for our generation, again, caring for parents, it's an encouragement and a challenge and a resource to help us in that stage of life because God's given us the ability to do it. Let's do it in a way that is honoring and also gives us some strength.

So let's talk about this last thing. For those that are listening and preparing for retirement, what kind of encouragement do you have for them?

Donna Smith: Do it when you can, financially I guess, because you have to be able to live and pay your bills and whatnot. Do it. Because as you said earlier, you don't have the promise of another day. We do a lot of sitting on the porch anymore, just kind of peace and quiet. We try to do things that make both of us happy. Just do it. And it does take some patience at times.

Jim Brangenberg: Why is she looking at Rodney when she says that? It does take some patience. (laughter) He's out there to defend himself.

But I would encourage the audience, listen, sit with your spouse on the front porch. You don't have to retire to do that. You can do that. Just shut the TV off and go sit with your spouse before you're retired. You don't have to wait to retire to do that.

Martha Brangenberg: Are you speaking to us? We do it all the time.

Donna Smith: I guess what it was, we do it a lot now through the day where he was working and he's no longer working now, so we can go out through the day if we want to. We can go out in the morning and drink coffee.

Jim Brangenberg: Go to Brewsky's again and "have coffee." (laughter)

Donna Smith: Haven't been to Brewsky's yet, but we need to go.

Jim Brangenberg: Donna Smith, such an honor to be able to spend time with you. Thanks for sharing a little bit of your story. We look forward to hearing your perspective alongside of Rodney after he gets a chance to share his perspective. But Donna Smith, thanks for being...

Donna Smith: And I'll be standing over there when he shares his. (laughing)

Jim Brangenberg: No, you won't. No you won't. But that's okay. All right. Thank you, Donna. Appreciate it.

Martha Brangenberg: Yes.

Donna Smith: Thank you. It is a joy to be with y'all.

Jim Brangenberg: Retirement is a state of mind and a stage of life. So say it with us and mean it: iRetire4Him!