iRetire4Him Show 150: Lessons from Downton Abbey

Jim Brangenberg: Hey, welcome to iRetire4Him, a podcast dedicated to you, the retired believers in America. But we go today to England, Downton Abbey, for a special episode talking about the grand finale. Martha, we've never done a show about a movie before, have we?

Martha Brangenberg: Not that I can remember, but this is fun, Jim. We took a date night -

Jim Brangenberg: which has been a rare thing 'cause we've been doing construction, which we could tell you about that in a minute.

Martha Brangenberg: Yes. And we went and saw a movie.

Jim Brangenberg: Not any movie.

Martha Brangenberg: Not just any movie. We went and saw the grand finale of Downton Abbey. And we don't know whether you have had the opportunity to watch any of their shows. But there's a really strong message in the grand finale that we really thought was appropriate for this audience.

Jim Brangenberg: So Martha and I love watching movies and we love this series, the Downton Abbey series, which was six or seven years of shows, which I think we binged in less than a year, probably less than six months. I'm just saying - don't judge. It's not like you haven't binged anything.

Martha Brangenberg: It's not like we're endorsing any one show or anything like that, but we love to be able to find messages and things that we can take from scripts. People write things on purpose, they write things with intentionality. So whether you've watched the shows or not, this show today with us has some great life lessons, so we hope you'll hang tight till the very end.

Jim Brangenberg: And we recommend you watch Downton Abbey, the grand finale, because it has so many retirement messages in it. The whole Crawley family, it's just a normal family. They just happened to live in a big house in the twenties and the thirties in England, in between World War I and World War II, and it is, that's what it's all surrounding, but it's interesting. The British culture obviously had a lot of influence on American culture, because we left there and came here.

Martha Brangenberg: But the dynamics of this kind of a household are something very new to us.

Jim Brangenberg: It's lost on American culture 'cause we don't have servants, that kind of thing.

Martha Brangenberg: We don't have lords.

Jim Brangenberg: Lords and ladies.

Martha Brangenberg: And we don't have this very specific hierarchy, yet we have elements of it that we can learn from in our jobs. So really what they've taken, in their environment, we can apply so much in our jobs and in our own household. So this is a stretch for me. I'm just gonna warn everybody. I am a great movie watcher, but I don't retain all of the details. I enjoy the moment. So Jim and I are gonna do a little bit of, a highlight reel, not to give away all of this story.

Jim Brangenberg: That's right. We will not.

Martha Brangenberg: But it's really about the lessons and some of the things they really did well as people of transition.

Jim Brangenberg: So first of all, if you appreciate film, the cinematography and the soundtrack,

Martha Brangenberg: the music

Jim Brangenberg: the soundtrack, phenomenal soundtrack.

Anyway, iRetire4Him is all about the fact that retirement isn't a 30 year vacation. It's not, "Hey, I've done my time. I'm done and I'm checking out for the rest of my life." That's not the - God did not design us for that. There's nowhere in scripture that endorses that kind of behavior or attitude or actions.

Retirement's a different phase of life. It may look different than the first couple of phases of life, childhood and adulthood. Retirement may look different than that, but it's important to understand that retirement isn't when you're done. It's just a shift in your paradigm. It's a shift in your thinking, and iRetire4Him is all about that shift in your thinking.

The shift to our understanding that I'm now retired. I'm a fully funded missionary 'cause I get social security, maybe a pension, maybe a 401k. I'm fully funded to go do whatever the Lord has for me, unfettered and untethered by a regular daily job. But there's always transitions and that transition is difficult, and how you handle that transition makes or breaks relationships.

And that's what this episode was all about for Downton Abbey, the final episode, the grand finale, as they say, because everybody was transitioning into a different role. Because it was the end of an era, of a ruling family in this area of England. And the servants were transitioning, the leaders were transitioning, and the even the cook was transitioning. And it was people that you've, if you've watched the entire series, is people that you've gotten to know really well. Some sorted details, of course. That's what makes it fun. Does it make it fun?

Martha Brangenberg: It makes it interesting and I think one of the things, Jim, that we enjoy about this element of it being in a different country, in a different era, and a different societal structure is that we can see a different way that people have lived and, you get to remove yourself from reality. Yet it was someone's reality in a sense because there, this truly is a good representation of the kinds of lives that people were living during that time. So it's fun to look at it as an outsider without any personal attachments at all. But yet there's so much that we can learn from these transitions that they went through. So who are we going to dive into first? I'm curious.

Jim Brangenberg: So let's talk with Mr. Carson. Mr. Carson was the butler. And he ends up marrying in the last episode or the last movie of Downton Abbey he ends up marrying basically the head maid, right? But the lady in charge of the entire house on the lady side, Mr. Carson was in charge of the Butler stuff that goes on.

Martha Brangenberg: Wait, let's just talk right there. Isn't it true that the more you work with people, the more you get to know them, whether they End up being married together or not, these friendships grow and that's what we see behind the scenes happening with so many of the elements is you know that you're doing life together with the people that you work with every day.

Jim Brangenberg: And why not marry your best friend?

Martha Brangenberg: There you go.

Jim Brangenberg: If you're already married and then you go to work, it's not a good idea to get a best friend at work That's a trouble point. Yes. And we need to protect our marriages from our businesses, from our work. But we're talking about retirement now, and Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes, they get married and Mr. Carson needs to retire as Butler. And he has been training up Andy Parker - Andy Parker, who also is married to Daisy, the cook, the assistant cook.

And Mr. Carson has only known being a Butler. For 40 plus years, that's what he's known. He's always been in service and he's worried about, he says in the movie, "I feel as if I'm turning my life's blood into water," which is saying like I'm turning into nothing. It's like everything I've done is going away and I'm no longer significant.

That's a lie of the world today, that when we retire we're no longer important, that none of that wisdom is important, all the stuff that we've gained. That's not true at all, is it, Martha?

Martha Brangenberg: No, it's not. In fact, to watch, he has a hard time with this transition. So Mr. Carson goes home and he starts polishing all of their silverware, and he starts figuring out, sitting in the room, standing up, and he's uncomfortable and he doesn't know what to do. And then he ends up showing back up at his old workplace quite a bit.

And they joke about it like, 'cause he doesn't really know what to do other than his work. Now, again, a little different era than we were in where it truly was their life's service in that role. And so they worked very long days and did very little outside. We talk about a lot on retirement, Jim, is investing in your hobbies and finding creative ways to use your skills outside of the workplace, so you aren't surprised by this season where you don't have a schedule and you don't have things to do. But Mr. Carson struggled with that.

Jim Brangenberg: He did. He also struggled with the fact that he'd been a servant, somebody in the quiet behind the scenes job, for all of his life ,and he didn't think anybody wanted to hear the wisdom that God had given him and that he'd accumulated, and he got involved at a local festival and he found out that what he had learned actually applied, that people could accept the wisdom that he's given - just because he was a servant.

There's so many people today in our society that think nobody wants to hear what I gotta say, but you know what? If you've lived 60 or 70 years, you got a lot of experience. You've got things that people want to hear and God will bring people into your life that need to hear specifically what you know, and that's really important.

Martha Brangenberg: And he proved himself worthy of that wisdom, as well, even to the point where Lord Grantham came and visited with him.

Jim Brangenberg: And asked him advice. Oh, don't give it away.

Martha Brangenberg: No, I won't give it away. But, that's a role reversal. But that's based on relationship and him showing himself worthy of all of those years of relationship and trusted wisdom, because he gave a lot of wisdom.

Jim Brangenberg: And as Mr. Carson knew he was on the way out, he spent time training up Mr. Parker on how to be the butler. He mentored and discipled him in all of the ways that he needed to know to run a household from the Butler side of things.

Martha Brangenberg: But did he trust Parker to actually be able to pull it all off?

Jim Brangenberg: No, he was really worried that Parker couldn't pull it off 'cause Parker was a kid like Carson was when he first took the job. And so it's so important though that we do invest our lives in those that are gonna take our place and have a perpetuation plan when you're leaving your job. But after you're out of the job, it's okay to still see yourself as somebody that has wisdom and value to input into other people.

What's interesting is Mr. Parker ends up marrying the assistant cook, who ends up transitioning to be the head cook. Mrs. Patmore has been the cook at Downton Abbey for decades, and Daisy joins the show early on in the series and is trained and discipled. Daisy couldn't barely even sift flour when she first walked into that kitchen.

And Daisy said, I'm not gonna be a servant all of my life. That's what she says many times. But she ends up being the head Cook and during the whole grand finale movie, Mrs. Patmore and Daisy are transitioning for the final event that Mrs. Patmore does and the first event that Daisy will do.

Martha Brangenberg: Yeah, so that was really a beautiful thing because a lot of people think about going out on top and saying, this is gonna be my final grand event that I'm in charge of, or project that I do or whatever, but Mrs. Patmore very graciously asked for Daisy to be the one in charge.

So instead of it being. Mrs. Patmore's last event, it was Daisy's first event, and so it gave it this beautiful opportunity for Daisy to shine. Mrs. Patmore got to be there to watch it happen and participate in it, but with a different role. That takes a very good leader that can stand back and allow the next person to rise up and show off everything that you've taught them. But to see her shine and to see her do it so well, it really is a beautiful thing.

And passing the baton can be very hard, but it's so powerful when it's done well, and she really set Daisy up for success. She set Daisy up to do a good job. She taught her everything and let her fly. It's like letting that little bird out of the bird's nest and letting them fly and trusting that they will do all the things. Yes, we're gonna fail. We're gonna have mistakes, we're gonna mess things up, even to the point, and I don't remember if this was in the last dinner, but at some point someone questioned what dishes were being used. Wasn't that the case?

Jim Brangenberg: Oh yeah, that was Mr. Carson. He's, " are you sure Mr. Parker? You've chosen this, and I can't believe you chose these dishes instead of these dishes."

Martha Brangenberg: And in fact, it was requested by Lady Mary or someone that these dishes be used. So he was following instructions. So there was questioning of whether they were making good decisions, but having the authority to say, we are doing this because it was requested of me. So again, beautiful leadership and beautiful - when you give someone authority, allowing them to actually live in that authority is a huge thing. So you can tell we were so impressed.

Jim Brangenberg: Yeah. That's what's really cool though, is Mrs. Patmore and Daisy had spent so many hours together in the kitchen, years together in the kitchen. And Mrs. Patmore had never gotten married 'cause she was the head cook. There was no time for her to get married. She never got outta the house. She says to Daisy, "you're the daughter i've never had." Just a powerful moment. And I don't believe the Daisy was close to her mother, so Mrs. Patmore had taken that role on. So it's just really a cool thing.

But again, a transitioning where somebody underneath Mrs. Patmore was risen up in the leadership and Mrs. Patmore was able to pass a baton and pat her on the back as she celebrated the last event that she was a part of before Daisy took over. Again passing on, changing, transitions. And Mrs. Patmore is then gonna be moving in with her new husband, and that was a whole new thing for her, and Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore have a hilarious exchange. We won't talk about that today on the show.

Martha Brangenberg: You can watch the movie. (laughter)

Jim Brangenberg: You can watch the movie, but it is actually pretty funny. Yeah, but probably the biggest thing in this whole grand finale of Downton Abbey is a transition from Lord Grantham to Lady Mary.

Martha Brangenberg: Yeah.

Jim Brangenberg: Lady Mary, the eldest daughter of the Crawleys, but in the middle of this, there's a great scandal, which we won't talk about, but there's this transition and Lady Mary's been being trained for years on taking care of the Downton estate.

Martha Brangenberg: Because that is more than a full-time job. It's a big place. You can see it behind us on the video. We have a picture of it.

Jim Brangenberg: That's right. You can't hear the lawnmowers in the background around. We have that muted, but as being on location it just, it is a beautiful place. But Lady Mary has learned all about the estate and has been transitioned, but Lord Grantham is having a hard time letting go, and partly because Mary's a woman. But partly because it's his little girl who's growing up to take over the estate.

Martha Brangenberg: And it's all he's done for many years. So let's talk about that. So he's referred to as Lord Grantham, because it's the Grantham Abbey. Or the Downton Abbey is the Grantham family. But his name is Robert Crawley. And I think that it's important to just talk about the fact that he had to really come to terms with the timing, that it was time for the next season of their life.

Jim Brangenberg: And it wasn't end of life. They were both perfectly healthy.

Martha Brangenberg: Yes.

Jim Brangenberg: But Robert and Isabelle were perfectly healthy. Is it Isabel? Is that right? No, Robert and Mrs. Crawley.

Martha Brangenberg: There you go. But yes they were perfectly healthy and ready for this next season in a lot of ways, but they knew that it meant they had to make some verbal announcements, that they had to literally pass the baton.

So I think it's very interesting, Jim, at this point where they get to the end and the house was very full. There were a lot of people in it. And then slowly, everybody was saying their goodbyes and transitioning to their new roles until we were just left with Mary.

Jim Brangenberg: Yeah, and Mary's sitting there remembering all of the things that have gone on in Downton, and it's just a great lesson for all of us as we look at retirement, not as an ending, but as a beginning of a new phase, as a beginning of a really, a paradigm shifting in our thoughts and our minds. And the Lord has so much more for us.

He spent all of your life feeding you full of wisdom and knowledge and relationships and feeding himself into you, depending on how long you've been a believer. And retirement is the opportunity to start to let those go, all of that stuff, and let it fill your life. There's so much more for you then moving into a retirement village and being surrounded by people who are unhappy 'cause they gave up everything.

Move into a neighborhood with families that you can pour your life into. Families today desperately need chronologically superior people in their lives. Look for ways to feed into your community by volunteering or maybe even getting a job where you can be a mentor to other people. But look for ways to take everything that God has put into your life, to feed it into others. Y'all, we just recorded a show recently for iWork4Him and it's just a known fact, if you were a business person in your life, most pastors don't know how to deal with business people, 'cause they weren't business people. They don't understand the business world.

If you're a business people, you could help your pastor understand business people. There's just so many opportunities. But Downton Abbey just gave us a great platform for sharing about, hey, everybody's gonna go through these transitions. You could do it with grace or you could do it with a nuclear bomb. Which one would you rather do?

And Downton Abbey, 'cause they're British people, they did it with grace and did it with pageantry and they did it with a little drama, which we won't disclose. But all in all, an opportunity for us all to just be reminded - retirement's not "done." It's, if you've got a pulse, you've got a purpose. There's a future for you.

Martha Brangenberg: There's a quote at the very end of the movie when they're toasting and it says, "what else would we drink to? We're going forward into the future, not back into the past." And I think a lot of us really struggle with that, looking forward to the future when it might be uncertain, when we might not know what it's gonna hold or how we're gonna spend our days.

It's beautiful to reflect on the past, but we're living in what God has given us for the future. So to do that well and to anticipate that, with new opportunities that come and really seeing how they exemplified that was just a beautiful reminder and Jim and I knew that we wanted this opportunity to reflect on it a little bit.

There are so many other lessons, pretty sure we're gonna need to watch it again.

Jim Brangenberg: There's some great lines in there.

Martha Brangenberg: There really were. When you get the opportunity to script something in beautiful English, you always say, oh man, I wish I could say it so beautifully as what they said, but very profound, very impactful, and just a fun way for us to look at what kind of transitions does God have us in, and are we handling it in a way that would give him glory and honor? Are we leading well? Are we passing the baton? Are we mentoring well? Are we discipling others well so that they're ready to pick up that torch or that baton and carry it forward into the future as well? So really great challenges, really great encouragement, and we hope that it's been a little bit of fun too.

Jim Brangenberg: Downton Abbey. The grand finale. Now, before we go today, we wanna encourage you to check out our sponsors. People that help keep iWork4Him, the ministry of iWork4Him and iRetire4Him, going on a day-to-day basis. Two of our big sponsors we wanna draw attention to today would be Patriot Mobile, providing cell phone service, just like the cell phone service you have for one of the big three, but when they make money, they support faith, family, and freedom.

Martha Brangenberg: That's right.

Jim Brangenberg: And if you've got a computer or a cell phone, you need SaferNet on those devices to keep the bad people out and to keep you safe while you're searching and scrolling all over the internet. SaferNet.com.

You've been listening to iRetire4Him with Jim and Martha Brangenberg. We're not retired yet, but we're really close, but we know that it's a transition into the next phase of our lives, and we invite you into it. Check us out online at iRetire4Him.