iRetire4Him Show 111: Live the Fruitful Life
Jim Brangenberg: Did you know that when you retire, your calling doesn't retire? If you have a pulse, you have a purpose. If you're not dead, God's not done with you yet. You've tuned into the iRetire4Him podcast, a podcast dedicated to you, the retiree who loves Jesus, who wants purpose for all your days, especially the ones ahead of you.
Bruce Bruinsma joins us today, the founder of the Retirement Reformation. He is here to encourage and walk with you through retirement as he's already a few years into those retirement quote unquote years. And I'm your host, Jim Brangenberg. We invite you to check us out online, retirement reformation. org, retirement reformation. org.
So why are old people grumpy? For the last two podcasts, we've given you six reasons so today we'll finish up this three part series with four more reasons, but I have to ask, is it just that old people are grumpy or does younger people bring out the grumpy in older people? My sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Codsgrove - hats off to you, Mrs. Codsgrove. And I'm sorry for all of those things - she told us about empathy. I think we all need to be doing a whole lot more of that kind of empathetic living as we surround ourselves with people who are a little older than us. Bruce, do you got grumpy friends?
Bruce Bruinsma: Unfortunately, I do. And I find that it is a effort to be with them, because as you just talked about, empathy is really important, but then there's sympathy, and then there's the last term that kind of in that sequence called compassion, and so to be able to be compassionate for someone when it talks in the New Testament, and it talks about Jesus had compassion upon the people and he healed their sick when we talked about in the time when he fed the, when he fed the 5, 000 men and probably another 10, 000 women and children, but that he was compassionate.
And particularly as men, I think we struggle with that, that reality, that compassion affects us, not just how we're going to respond to someone else. Compassion is the opportunity, is the extension that starts with pity, but it's the action step in that sequence of events. When you are compassionate, you do something.
Now, and this impacts, and this talks about the issues of grumpiness, because when you are feeling compassion and you are doing something for someone else, it is hard to be grumpy.
Jim Brangenberg: That is so true. And you put your eyes on somebody else it's absolutely hard to be grumpy. Bruce, a lot of people as they face retirement years, they face one of their last final moves. And take for instance, you and Judy, you live in, live independently in a nice home up on the top of the hill. You got a great view. And one day you may need to move to a senior community where maybe you can get some help for you or Judy. Could that make you grumpy?
Bruce Bruinsma: Absolutely it could. And I'll tell you that's very, it strikes very close to home. Because probably for the last five months, Judy and I have been struggling through that process. And we came to initial conclusion that, that yeah, we got to sell the house and we're going to move into an independent living. So you go do the research on the independent living.
Then you get an opportunity to pray and you think about that some more and you go that independent living, that was pretty doggone expensive. I wonder if we get an apartment. Okay that sounds like a good idea. So now let's go research apartments. That's a depressing deal. So we go through and we do all that.
Matter of fact, we have a realtor come over to look at our house. We have someone come over and says, here's the things you ought to do to make your house more saleable. And we're going through all those conversations and some of them are easy because they're looking forward and some of them are really hard.
What's fascinating is that now just in the last three weeks, we've come to the conclusion that we can arrange things in the support that we need that maybe we can stay in our house. And I sit in a chair, I sit in my chair and everybody has their chair. I sit in my chair and I look out in the windows, through the windows in our house, and I look at the beautiful forest and everything that we're in.
I look at the way that Judy's decorated her house and say, I don't want to leave there. And if I had to go live in an independent living, I'd probably resent that. So I got to work on my head very carefully. So for right now, we're going to stay right where we're put. But it's been a fascinating conversation and it came out of some frustrations that Judy had, some grumpiness that prompted us to begin to walk down this journey. And we all walk down that journey in one form or another. In one form or another and times will change and we will do it. Another area that that we can explore is frustration with technology. And I have some of it today.
Jim Brangenberg: Have you ever had frustration with technology, Bruce? Is that ever an issue for you?
Bruce Bruinsma: Earlier today, before we started our things, there were some things I couldn't get to happen. And then my friend Elliot, who typically is here to help me with that, was not here. And then Jim is saying you just need to go here and do this and do that. And I'm going, I don't see this and that. And it's just, technology is frustrating.
Jim Brangenberg: You know what I've seen, and you're a lot younger than my parents, but what I've seen is that - I want to make this personal because all of our parents, I taught both my mom and Martha's mom how to use a computer. Excuse me, my mom, Martha's dad how to use a computer. Martha's mom and my dad never wanted to learn how to use a computer and this is 40 years ago.
We learned how to use computers but as the iphone came about that was a whole different thing because all of that power in a little phone. And we've been teaching them now for the last decade how to use a smartphone. But what I see is my parents are now going to be 90 and 91, is the things that I've taught them in the past, they don't remember and their phone frustrates them.
They just want to make a call and nobody's got home phones anymore. In fact, my parents bought a house. There's no phone jacks in the wall. We can't even have a home phone. That frustration with technology in the computers and online banking makes my mom frustrated all the time. My dad doesn't care because he never figured it out anyway, but my mom is frustrated.
How do you deal with that? How do you deal? I mean my mom seems to be flummoxed - that's a word I learned in high school - by this technology How are you dealing with that frustration, Bruce ?
Bruce Bruinsma: It is. It is very real. I taught my mom how to use the computer and I thought that some of the things that I taught her would give her freedom and the opportunity to do things. Then I come and visit and I, oh my goodness gracious. It's not helping at all. And so it is a difficult, it is a challenge because the underlying issue that we're dealing with that creates the frustration, that creates the grumpiness, is a feeling of lack of control. I can't make this stupid thing do what I want it to do.
I can't make this computer do what I want it to do. And so it's this lack of control. And then, as has happened a couple times during our interview here, I get an unknown caller. And so you get 50 unknown calls, and then you decide you're going to answer a couple of them, and it's somebody who wants to do something that you have no interest in whatsoever, and you just want them to go away.
So you have all of these issues that come in. So the lack of control, the interference in your life, the frustration because you don't know how to deal with it. And then the kinds of frustration that show up, all of those things. As my mom used to, or my dad used to have a phrase: that just makes me tense.
And if something makes you tense, then in fact you don't do it well and it's very frustrating and you become grumpy. Now let's switch over just a little bit to music in the church.
Jim Brangenberg: Wait a minute, I think we're going to come back to that in the last segment. We're going to talk about music in the church in the last segment. We've got coming up a talk with Sheila Arrington who moved from St. Paul, Minnesota, to the area of Arizona where she's going to tell us about, right near Mesa in the middle of that kind of middle of Arizona.
And then when we come back, we'll talk about music, making people grumpy. I don't know how music can make you grumpy. You're listening to iRetire4Him. We'll be right back.
Jim Brangenberg: Hey, welcome back to iRetire4Him. And as we do in every second segment of every show, Bruce, we always bring in a special guest. And I invited this one, but I'm excited for you to meet my friend Sheila Arrington, Bruce.
Bruce Bruinsma: Oh we'd love our audience to meet with you. I remember it was some time ago when you first connected with Sheila and you told me part of her story and so glad Sheila that you're here. But anyone who was a schoolteacher, first of all, that warms my heart.
In Minnesota, that freezes yours, and now you move to Arizona and God has really just allowed you to blossom and for new wonderful things to happen. So share with us what happened when you retired from Minnesota and being a school teacher to Arizona and what God's got you doing now. So give us an executive summary of what that is.
Sheila Arrington: One of the things is so wonderful about God, you never know where he is always going to lead you. I never in my wildest dreams expected to be in Arizona. And it's so funny because Arizona is a desert and I thought, okay, not much blooms in the desert, but God showed me to be wrong in my thinking.
My husband is an avid golfer. He had came here many years to just golf during the winter. And so one time he just said, you know what, I want you to just come after my tournament and just check it out one more time. So we came and my heart opened. And we got back to Minnesota and the Lord told me something.
He said this. He said, do this for your husband. I said, okay. I said, okay. We got here and little did I know that I was also doing it for myself and for what God wanted to do through me in Arizona. So right away we were here and then the pandemic hit and I thought God started telling me go online, just go online and give a little sermonette.
So I did that. And then he said, he dropped in my heart, you're Purposely Designed and I said thank you Lord. He said everyone's Purposely Designed. I want you to have a conference for women called Purposely Designed and I want you to do it virtual, therefore you can use the people out of Minnesota to help you put it together and do it.
So I did that. And from there, this year, this April, we are going to have our fourth Purposely Designed Conference. And what's so wonderful about that is this: I have women from all ages. Last year, we had one of our guests, and she was also a vendor, she was 82 years old. She just wrote a book. And she was one of my vendors and people flocked to her table.
She shared a story about You're going to miss me when I'm gone. But it really unfolded around her getting her relatives to know who Jesus Christ was because she's always been sharing with them who he is. And so that's just a little snippet of what I do through the conference. What I do in other areas, besides our annual conference, I work with women and mainly I'm working with women 50, 60, 70 years old who don't... they think, I had my career. I did all of this. What do I do now? I'm going to lay back.
And God created us with a purpose, for purpose, and that purpose does not end until he moves us on to glory. And so I have started, I mentor women. I have since I've talked to you, Jim, I started my course online called breaking free to soar.
So we've had women who were near retirement and in retirement be in that class because one thing about purpose, no matter how old you are, if you have some issues in your heart, woundedness or things that have felt that you have unstuck and you just can't figure it out anymore. You just don't know where to go. We help you through that course, Breaking Free to Soar, to chart your next course. So that's a little bit of what I'm doing and I'm doing much more than that. But I've talked a lot and I thought maybe you have another question.
Bruce Bruinsma: I'm just so encouraged by what you're saying because what you're reflecting is the heart of the message of the Retirement Reformation. And so you are an example personally of someone who has stepped into new avenues that God has in mind for them. You're encouraging people who are stuck to get unstuck and to find that meaning and purpose and to identify what is their next assignment.
And so that is you know, that is so encouraging. What is the, what's the website that you have that if someone who lives across the country would like to connect with the message and the ministry? Matter of fact if the the summit that you're having, the conference you're having is in April for many parts of the country, it's still pretty cold. So they might be really interested in coming to Arizona.
Jim Brangenberg: That Purposely Designed conference. You said it was in April. What's the website, Sheila?
Sheila Arrington: Yes, so it's www. SheilaArringtonMinistries. com, and on that homepage, you're going to find out all that you need to know about the Purposely Designed Conference, which is held every year on April 26th and 27th. This year we extended it from one day to now it's two days and we outgrew our space at our church that we were using last year and we're now we're in at the Avion Center in Chandler, Arizona. So it's a wonderful conference. You'll find Sheila Arrington ministries, find all about what I'm doing. I'm on all the social media channels. I have, for women, a Facebook group called Purposely Designed conference, Facebook group, ladies. So you can go over onto Facebook. You can find me there.
We are in the throes right now of just sharing information. We believe whenever we gather as people, women or men or together, we should come with prepared hearts. So right now in that group, I am dropping nuggets of how do we get prepared? How do we prepare ourselves to be able to glean all that God has for us when we come together on April 26th and 27th?
Bruce Bruinsma: Sheila, I'm a little confused. You're supposed to be retired. What happened?
Sheila Arrington: You know what? Let me tell you something. As I said before, we retire when we're no longer breathing. And when you look to the word of God and - cause sometimes I tell God I'm old. I'll say, I know he chuckles like, Oh, okay - but people didn't start their ministries. You look at Abraham. You look at Moses. You look at so many people in the word and they didn't even start going till they got our age really or older.
Jim Brangenberg: Moses didn't get his first job until he was 80 years old. He was just brand new. I want to make sure people get that website. Sheila Arrington with an a Arrington ministries. com Sheila Arrington. ministries. com. If you go out there right at the top, it says 2024 Purposely Designed conference, learn more, become a sponsor today. You got to check it out online, Sheila Arrington ministries. com. But I would say Sheila, you and Bruce need to spend some more time together because you guys are heading down the same path with Retirement Reformation and Sheila Arrington ministries. I think is a fantastic pathway coming in there. Bruce, any final questions for our guest?
Bruce Bruinsma: No, just a thank you to her and an encouragement to her. And the affirmation that the needs that you've identified in the way that God has you speaking into them are really important. And so our, one of our phrases in the Retirement Reformation is that we are called to be faithful for a lifetime.
Not for a season, not for a time, but for a lifetime. So Sheila Arrington, thank you so much for being an affirmation of that truth of God.
Sheila Arrington: Thank you for having me.
Jim Brangenberg: All right. We'll be right back with more on iRetire4Him.
Jim Brangenberg: Hey, welcome back to iRetire4Him. I really hope you enjoyed that conversation with Sheila Arrington. She is a spitfire and I love the fact that she's helping women all over Arizona find their purpose, no matter what their ages Bruce, right before the break, after the first segment, you started going with, let's talk about music and how music can make people grumpy. I'm like, how can music make people grumpy? Music is what God had David use to bring Saul down from being grumpy and throwing weapons of mass destruction against people. Bruce, what do you mean, music makes people grumpy?
Bruce Bruinsma: We know that, and if you go into a high percentage of churches and you'll ask them, what are the biggest challenges to the church? And someone will use the term we're still involved in the music wars. And you go, music wars? How do you have a war with music? And the answer is, the seniors wanting the old time hymns that they remember from all the years and the younger people saying, we need a set of drums, and we need two guitars, and we need some more contemporary sounds. It was fascinating. I have in the lower level of our house, I have a whole room that is filled with the memorabilia of my family, my dad and his family, my mom and her family, Judy and her family. I got boxes of stuff. I need to somehow go sort through all that.
But one day I'm going through some papers of my dad. Now realize he was a gifted musician. We're talking seriously gifted. He played the bass violin in the Grand Rapids, Michigan, symphony orchestra when he was 13 years old. Unbelievably, and he was director of the school of music at Ohio state, Dean at Arizona state and San Jose. He was a gifted musician. His PhD was on the Music of the Reformation, and so I'm going through a bunch of all his old papers and I, and some of his speeches, and I always like to read his speeches because he always used me as the example of a parent not doing a good enough job.
(laughter)
Bruce Bruinsma: At any rate, but anyway, I'm going through his papers and I come across this paper that he wrote on what does it mean to have Christian music? And I thought, wow, I never heard him really talk about that, but he wrote this paper about it. Let me read that, maybe I can learn something. It was the worst paper I've ever read. It was convoluted, it was not consistent, and he was tying himself into all kinds of knots to be able to prove that there was a Christian music. And I was so disappointed. It's one of the few times that I've really been disappointed in my dad. I remember sitting there -oh my gosh!
And yet in churches around the country, if you don't have an organ, you're not a Christian. Or if you do have an organ, you're not a Christian. I had an uncle that was, they threatened to excommunicate him from this denomination because he played the organ and they just didn't believe that. Just the stuff goes on and on and it's unbelievable.
And most of the people that are hearing us have their own version of these experiences in some fashion. So we see now in how many different churches where you have a traditional service and a contemporary service. What they mean is the message is the same. What they mean is the music is different. That's what they mean. And I have been exposed in enough churches through the activities that I've been involved in over the years, that I have heard seniors attack the pastor, just as non-Christian as you could be, complaining about the young people and their music.
And we could all go on and on about this. But some people choose to be able to take that kind of opportunity to really express their grumpiness and to not act with any of the fruit of the Spirit towards what's going on. Now, I will also say there will be some younger people that will castigate the older people and saying all they want to do is sing slow stuff out of a, out of a book. And so this whole crazy music issue has really divided our churches.
Jim Brangenberg: And it's really separated the generations of church because you find - and I'm in Southwest Missouri - most of the churches have hymn music and therefore they're very small and they're full of people who are chronologically superior. And then there's one church in town that plays my kind of music, stuff that you'll listen to on the radio. And that church is full of young people and just a couple of people who have gray hair. But this is one thing makes people grumpy, Bruce. I think one of the other things we talk about all the time, cause we need to move on from music cause we're not going to solve this problem cause I bet this has been going on since David picked up the harp. People were like, that's too loud. Don't play the harp. That's too loud. So this has been going on for thousands of years.
I think one of the things we talk about that everybody knows what they're retiring from, but they don't know what they're retiring to, that loss of meaning and purpose. Does that make people grumpy?
Bruce Bruinsma: Absolutely. It does. There's a whole category of people that go, I'm happy not doing anything and I'm not going to. And they're okay with that, but at some point along the way, there's that small voice that says, huh, maybe there's more.
Now, some people can turn that off and they just go on with their lives until they die. But I think for the majority of us, as that happens, it takes sand inside of the pearl, inside of the oyster, to be able to create the pearl. It's, there's something wrong. There's something missing.
And one of the things that we see in the Retirement Reformation, particularly when we do events, is that there's always some people there that we're able to identify that say, Hey, I've known that I was missing something, that there's something wrong, but I didn't know what it was. Oh, it's meaning and purpose. That's what I need to look for. God really does have a ongoing call on my life for a new assignment. And when that light turns on, boy, that's an attitude changer that makes a huge difference. Now they've got to do, and we had the story of Jennifer Mann. Where she for a couple of years was searching for, I don't know what my next assignment is. I don't know what my meaning is, and so I'm not sure she was grumpy about it, but it was certainly unsettling.
Jim, if I could, this wasn't on our agenda at all, but when I walked into my office today,..
Jim Brangenberg: What is that you're holding? Newspaper. I remember those. I remember those. I remember those newspapers. Yeah. That's another thing that makes people grumpy. They won't deliver the newspaper here in our town. My parents have to get the newspaper in the mail and it's a day late. So not only is it already old, it gets double old cause it comes two days late. That makes them grumpy. What were you going to tell me about?
Bruce Bruinsma: Here's an article in the money section of USA Today from January 30 of 2024. And here's what it says. And there's a picture on the top of a broken heart. Here's what it says: one in 10 people getting divorced today is 65 or older. That is remarkable. Our growing share of aging adults will be aging alone. And so, if in fact you don't have love in your heart for your spouse, and the relationship that you had is continuing taking you to isolation, that's a grumpy reason. And if you read the article, it keeps getting worse. And so the last line in the article was this: Count the costs, Block said. Maybe you try to write it out. Maybe the money would be better spent on marital counseling than on divorce attorneys. And so broken relationships is a huge cause of grumpiness.
Jim Brangenberg: And it passes the grumpiness onto all generations. And we're speaking to an audience, Bruce, the iRetire4Him audience is people that are following Jesus. They wouldn't listen to our podcast if they weren't following Jesus.
As Jesus followers, we don't have room to be grumpy. Everything about our lives has been transformed by the power of a living Savior rose from the dead who gave us life and the ability to live it to the fullest. And just because things are not as easy as it used to be or things aren't maybe the way we want them to be, doesn't give us a reason to be grumpy.
We've got everything in the world to be happy about, to be joyful about, because when we're done with this life, we enter in a new one and we get a new body and we get more purpose And it's all about Him. And we've got to remember, people, you don't have permission to be grumpy. We don't. And when you're grumpy, you need to repent and turn around.
Don't be grumpy. As Jesus followers, we should be the happiest, most joyful people on the planet. Two billion of us being joyful because God has given us everything to live for. Isn't that what this is really all about? Isn't that what your new book, Living the Fruitful Life is all about, Bruce?
Bruce Bruinsma: "What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear. What a privilege to carry everything to him in prayer." And so many of you will recognize those words. But as you said, as Christians, we have no excuse for grumpiness. We only have the opportunity to be able to express the fruits of the spirit through the power of the Holy Spirit that's in us.
And to be able to demonstrate what love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self control really look like in the daily activities of our life, the challenges and the pleasures. And so when we are convinced that is true, and we carry that out in our actions, we are, in fact, being a son and a daughter, being a friend of Jesus.
Jim Brangenberg: And you can live the fruitful life! Just get a copy of the book, Living the Fruitful Life. And don't be grumpy! Don't be grumpy. Live the fruitful life. Bruce Bruinsma, a great conversation. Three total podcasts talking about why are old people grumpy? We got a lot of reasons for it, but you know what? We got one reason to never be grumpy and that's because of what Jesus has done for us.
And if you're having a question about what does it really mean? How do I follow Jesus in my retirement years? Check out Retirement Reformation dot o RG. People out there could pray for you. People can convene with you. There's online groups. There's local groups. Retirement Reformation dot o r g. Bruce, thank you for bringing this series to our iRetire4Him audience.
Bruce Bruinsma: Thanks for partnering with us. Jim.
Jim Brangenberg: You've been listening to iRetire4Him, the voice and resource of the Retirement Reformation. Bruce and I just had an amazing conversation about how we can journey from retirement to Reformation in our retirement so we can ultimately say iRetire4Him.